A couple days ago, I got a friend request from “Charlotte Albrecht”- the French version of me. She’d added me based solely on our common name, which is something I would have done, had I thought of it. So, I accepted.

I was glad to practice a little French on our wall-to-wall, but after the novelty wore off and I realized that we could barely speak each other’s languages, I promptly forgot about her existence. Little did I know, that French Me would crowd my newsfeed with inane updates on my current state. (Today, I am “UnE fEmMe JoLiE.”) That I would take thousands myspace pictures of myself pursing my lips. I just winked at myself this morning.

Every day, another Charlotte Albrecht is walking the Earth, misrepresenting me, and sending requests to all her friends for “bisous.” I’m a little offended.

Take the name seriously, Charlotte. I do.